Open Letters...
To the kid at La Madeline during lunch-
I have no idea why you decided to RUN in the restaurant. I mean.. I like getting my Dr. Pepper as quickly as the next guy, but come on… When you decided to get a running start to wherever you were going, you took off on.my.big.toe. By the time the pain registered, you were gone, but my toe is now swollen and my toenail is black underneath, started bleeding, and is making me unable to wear my heels. Thanks a lot, kid. And thanks a lot to whoever raised you and never told you RUNNING in a restaurant is inappropriate unless you’re headed to the bathroom about to soil yourself. Things that suck: the pain (obviously), but also likely losing a toenail before a beach vacation b/c those suckers take FOREVER to grow back (first world problems, I know). Blah. Oh well.
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| Running is for OUTSIDE. Even Forrest knows that. |
To the guy sitting next to Eric and me at The Avengers Saturday night-
You saw Eric using my eye-drops. Apparently, they looked pretty awesome because you asked to borrow them. What? Who does that? Who borrows some stranger’s eye drops? Anyway, unsure whether you touched your pupil with my bottle or not, I had to toss the whole thing. And yes, we could have said no, but it was just stunning and weird, so Eric just handed it over. Don’t you worry about your own eye health? Gross.
To the feral cat in the neighborhood-
Please stop defecating in our yard. I’m tired of running to the backyard like a crazy person flailing around just to get Gracie to avoid your poo pile so I can clean it up and keep her away. You have diseases. You are not a cat. You are a cuter version of a striped rat. (Seriously, this cat really is feral and MEAN).
To my massage therapist over the weekend-
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. These open letters would likely be more like open hostile threats if not for you. And I dig your hippy mojo as well. Keep it up. (So glad I booked a massage for myself! Long overdue).
To Barbados-
I’m coming for you in mere weeks (okay, quite a few weeks, but whatever). Prepare yourself for my camera and ability to drink two tropical beverages at a time.
13 comments:
We were going to see the Avengers this weekend, but got to the packed theater and turned around. We always go to Eton 6 and it is never packed. I don't like crowded theaters, unless I really, really want to see the movie. I had no idea this movie would be so popular! I heard on the news today that it is breaking all kinds of records. Enjoyed reading this post! It made me chuckle.
What a little turd that kid is!
hahahahilarious!!! Who borrows someones eye drops?! GROSS!!! And I feel you on the neighborhood cat thing, but my letter would read more like: please stop getting knocked up and producing more feral cats. yeesh! Can't wait for my vacay as well! We definitely both need them! :)
Somebody asked to borrow your eye drops...whhhhhaaat? That may be the craziest thing I've heard in a while! Lol! I also saw the avengers on sat. Good thing it was funny or else I'm not sure I would have the nicest things to say about that movie!
NO! A stranger did NOT ask to borrow your eye drops?! I hope that was just a prank or some initiation ritual his friends made him do.
He asked to borrow your eye drops????!!! Weirdo! Good thing he didn't ask for your nose spray too. Gross!
We have a feral cat in our neighborhood that insists on torturing my dogs. It even attacked once. So frustrating!
That kid must have stomped on your toe HARD for it to be black and blue! Just reading that made my toes hurt haha. Who borrows a stranger's eye drops?! That's disgusting. But I totally see how Eric just handed them over... caught completely off guard! I would have done the same thing probably!
I hope that kid did soil himself for his behavior!
Thank you for making me laugh out loud. You have no idea how this made my day.
I know exactly what you mean - I have been feeling the same way lately! My job is long and stressful some days, and I end up zombie-ing out on the couch, when I should be frolicking around outside, reading, or doing SOMETHING productive.
To the running children everywhere - SIT DOWN. It makes you wonder what kind of parent just lets their kid run rampant all over a restaurant with no regard for anyone else! And yeah, avoid the cat. I had one of those at my old apartment complex and it completely clawed Stephen one night when we were out walking. Good luck!
And Barbados...please take lots and lots of pics so I can live vicariously through you! : )
homeboy asked to use your eyedrops?! For real?! What is wrong with people these days hahah I'd be like uh heck no are you on crack
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