-Carrie to Charlotte from the SATC movie :)
I forgot to post this, but check it out... I've been with my company a YEAR! It was actually June 4th, the anniversary that is. I was on my way to CA to see Aaron get sworn in. But, whoa.. a year! I remember thinking how scared I was to start a new job for fear I'd hate it...and then in turn would feel like there was something wrong with ME, not the law firm, like I'd originally wanted to believe. So, here I am...plugging along and really loving my job. I mean.. I dont wake up and think "Hell yes! Work!" but I definitely dont have the feelings I used to have of the alarm going off and me thinking "Shit. Another day.. 3 more til Saturday..."
So, I'm obviously ready to move. I love Tulsa and always will. But, I'm ready to try a new experience... That said, I have no plans to leave my job without good cause b/c I know what it's like to hate a job and therefore really be unhappy with life. I think it's easy to forget how much work ties into one's identity...until you have a job you loathe, that is.
Sometimes it makes me sad that I wasnt a better employee during my last 6 mos to a year at the firm. But, then I think back and think "how could I have been? I was utterly devoid of happiness there..."
It's strange, but one day that really struck me as "I hate this place" was a day during the summer.. late June the summer I was taking the bar exam. I was working full time and going to bar review at night. No pity there, a lot of people were doing it...and I was thankful to have a job. But, I was tired. That's what I'm getting at. Tired and stressed...and lonely. Aaron was in China and the 13 hour difference was hard for communication. He called about once or twice a week and I looked forward to those calls like I look forward to using my period as an excuse to eat pounds of chocolate. haha. :) Seriously, though...
He called around 9something in the morning...from China. I was in my office, talking to him for what was to be a 10 minute or less convo. A partner came in and stood in my office just looking at me. I ended my 2 minute phone call with Aaron, knowing I wouldnt talk to him again for a week or so. When I said "Sorry; I was on the phone with Aaron in China..." to explain, she responded coldly "I know. *secretary outside my door* told me. I just made some revisions to your billing, so here you go." She then walked off....
It doesnt seem that significant, I know...but I think everything else just kinda hit me...
I'm fairly certain something just kinda broke inside at that moment..maybe it was bar review...lack of sleep...missing Aaron... disliking my job... I dont know... I was so furiously upset that she'd just STOOD THERE...knowing why I was on the phone....and had NOTHING important to talk to me about.. NOTHING. Mary came in my office to say hi right afterward and I was crying. We vented together and I felt better... haha...
Anyway, I'm just so happy and lucky to be somewhere where I like the people (although I really did like the people at the firm for the most part), like the work, and seem to have discovered a lot about myself... :) So, happy anniversary to me! And, hello...where else can you work where they bring in a 3 ring circus and your boss dresses up like a ringmaster (and I'm serious)?! Love it! :)
4 comments:
I remember you telling me about that day. You were so hurt. I started my job on June 3! I think early June is a good time to have an anniversary. Especially if you like the job.
Awww, sweetie, that sounded like a horribly emotional day! I've been there. And it is my pet peeve when people come in my office while I'm on the phone and stare at me. Makes me so irritated!!
I'm certainly not trying to take you away from Tulsa because I know your friends and family will miss you so much, but it is such a good experience to prove to yourself that you can make it in another city. There is so much to learn from other places, even if they are just in the U.S.! It's amazing and a real adventure. I would say do it now while you don't have any kids or a husband...experience it. You can always come back if your heart calls you to.
I am so glad you love your job. Sammy was in the same situation... he HATED the old job, felt it was pulling the life out of him... and he also just made one year in early june with the "new company" and is still enjoying it so much. nobody should stay in a job they hate. life is too short.
also, you are going to LOVE moving to a new city. i feel like a new person living in Los Angeles. I mean, i'm the same me that i've always been and I'm not at all like a "westside girl" or a "valley girl"... i'm just me. And I think what I love about living here is that I don't run into anyone who used to know me when I was little, or knew my parents, or knows of me through someone else... so there aren't any expectations. I can be myself and never feel pressured to put on a facade for the sake of my family or anyone else. I have made my own friends and created my own community, all independent of my family and the friends/acquaintances of my childhood. It's quite liberating. I love it. I think you will, too.
aw, you guys are nice. Thanks! I am indeed looking forward to trying something out that's new! Hopefully by the end of 08! That's the plan... hopefully....
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