Sleepless Sundays and Working for a Living...

I couldn't sleep last night, so I decided to watch some story about teen pregnancies on E! Mind you, these all involved teens being kidnapped, killed, etc etc for the most part. Right. It's like one of those damn A&E specials you can't turn off but KNOW it's going to scare the crap out of you. *sigh* And if any of you watch Private Practice, you know the season finale will have the viewers on the edge of their seats about Violet's baby and the murderess wanting to "remove" it (ew). Combine me watching these shows with dancing homeless man and I was determined (1) dancing man was going to figure out a way to get inside (2) someone was coming to kidnap me and steal my baby...which consists of Gracie the dog. But whatever. It was very traumatic people. Gracie watched as I opened closets and moved clothes around with a furious swipe back and forth. No more tv for me late at night.

Sad to let you know, but the job is almost filled. No, I didn't apply but how cool would that be?! And they're pretty smart b/c with all this attn, I will SO be reading that person's blog when they start working on the island...

Speaking of jobs...Every 1st of the month, I'm reminded of the socratic method, the mock court rooms, the color-coded highlighted by my own hand books...I click that magic button that says "pay today" on the student loan website and watch my money leave my account. My brain is apparently worth a lot of accumulated interest. ;) haha... I'm glad I got my degree, mind you. I like having "JD" behind my name...and all that it symbolizes. But dude...salliemae and I aren't good friends on the first of the month. Those loans feel like baggage that I loathe carrying in many ways and often don't like discussing...

For some reason, it always makes me question "where do I want to be in 5 years?" or even less....I think that's probably the WORST interview question ever btw...b/c the real answer I think is "happy. fulfilled. challenged. successful." in whatever facet those words can describe (career, family, etc). But, yeah.. I guess I just start to wonder all this when I pay those loans every month. I used to have everything alllll planned out. I'd practice law. I'd help people. I'd love it. I'd become a partner or start my own firm. Then, I'd retire and travel the globe. *shrug* Made sense to me. I mean.. it wasn't that simple, but you get it. Then, I practiced law and hated it...which came as a huge suprise to me. My plans were all up in the air all of the sudden and I found this job...that I like :) The people are great. The work is a great balance of challenging/stressful and manageable/chill. I'm not necessarily practicing law, but find myself using my degree in many capacities from speechwriting for VPs to everyday analytical skills to legislative functions. I also feel like people here see potential in me to move up. :) But the thing is.. I like being in public affairs and am not sure yet about some of the other areas...which kiiiiinda limits things. I also know I'll start feeling stagnet in what I'm doing at some point..like anyone would...and then...what? Will there be an opportunity to move up? What if there's not?

People ask me..."would you ever practice law again?" I suppose the answer is I dont know. There are things about the law that I love...which is why I went to law school (duh). But there are plenty of other things I didn't so much love. I realize I wasn't at the best place to realize my "legal potential" but while I'm not interested in going back into law right now anyway, there's also a small part of me that is terrified of going back into it for fear of being just as unhappy as I was. There was a huge part of me that felt like I'd failed in terms of being completely off base with what I should be doing with my life...Like I said, I'm sure a ton of that had to do with where I practiced law, but still...

The point of all this is I'm happy and I'm lucky to be so happy in my job...especially today. Do I want to do 'bigger' things? Sure! Do I have plans to do them? Yup. But is that a plan that's extremely rigid? Nope, not at all. I've learned my lesson there. And this, my friends, is what the simple click of a button makes me think about almost every month...Thanks a lot, salliemae. Hmph. haha! Monday rainy day rantings, I suppose... :)

Back to changing the world. Speaking of, I just gave an interview for our COMPANY WIDE intranet site that pops up when you sign in every morning. Nervous. Lord help us all. I hope I don't sound as rambly as this blog entry is... yikes. haha! Peace. ;)