"I have a dream?"

Yeah, so one of my jobs is to write speeches. Sometimes I have more...sometimes I have none. It's like 20-30% of my job.

So, how come I have three in the next two weeks when I'm feeling about as motivational as a tree stump? Fuck.

And.. I'm outta town some of next week, so the motivational blood needs to start flowing through me TO.DAY.

Does "willing" mean I'm easy? haha

So, the pic is of a little index card I keep in my bathroom. Some of you may remember it from rush in college... We did a lot of cheese-tastic things in that sorority admittedly...But, I'm okay with the above. We all sat around, wrote our names on an index card and started passing them...asking each girl to write one word to describe the person on the card.

Well, I found it when I moved here...and I was faced with not only graduation from law school, but a summer apart from my boyfriend while he explored Asia. Needless to say, I had a few mornings when I didnt wake up super ecstatic about life as I grabbed books that were too heavy/bulky for one bag and faced what I thought was impending doom...haha... Gotta love the bar...

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I put this card in my bathroom, stuck haphazardly in the mirror clip. And there is has stayed since then so I can see it every morning when I get out of the shower. When I'm in a crappy mood or maybe a leetle down, I see it and it makes me that much happier.
I think some of the girls writing were dilusional, but their dilusions make me happy. Whatever. It's not really the words, but more that I'm at least doinga good job fooling people that I'm not a complete jackass.. ha... ;)

And, why did I bring that up tonight? Oh...b/c my shower head project turned dreadfully wrong when I realized I couldnt even get the wrench from the package.... Yeah, seriously. (CHILD SAFETY TAGS CAN KISS MY ASS). Then, I couldnt get the current head off... ARG. So, I decided to side track for a second...haha....

Other things that made me smile today:

* Our intern in AR text me from college: "I hate school. Can I just borrow your JD while you're not using it." My response "Yup..At least then I'd feel like I was getting my money's worth if two of us had it..."

* I may or may not have put on my cute dress for Friday on, danced around the apartment...and made my dog thing I was nuts.

Back to cleaning...Cleaning is good... except when I'm in this super reflective "look at the index card" mood.. This is gonna take forever.. lol!

My dog ate it.

Gracie ate my work phone...well, most of it, that is. *sigh* There are worse things in life. I didnt even yell at her b/c, frankly, what's the point? She'd already done it...and she'd just spend the day hiding from me if I yelled. Blah.

I think she may have found my bronzer brush as well-which also hacks me off. I had this AWESOME brush and it broke on one of my August work trips.. That said, I was still using it...b/c I loved it that.much. It looked sooo trashtastic. haha. I have bought about 4 brushes that just.dont.do.it like the ghetto stub of the broken one. *sigh* Alas, it's gone...I'm sure I'll find it riddled with puppy fur and teeth marks.

I was bummed.out. last night. I dont think the magnitude of Asia had really sank in. I get very Scarlett Ohara "Ill think about that tomorrow"...haha.. I also think I was distracting myself and putting energy into things that dont deserve as much energy as I've given. I realized that some of the things I was distracting myself with upset me... b/c I wasnt even behaving like MYSELF these past two weeks. Before that, I was having a good time and was actually making sense of everything. Then, somewhere, I just decided "annnnd...maybe I dont think I'll deal with this..." hahaha... By blocking things out, I really started to displace my emotions in weird places. (*think: being a bitch to people that didnt deserve it, letting someone walk on me who shouldnt have, complete inability to make easy decisions*)

Uuuun...healthy... (clap clap clapclapclap) hahaha... So, I feel better today. I blame Brothers and Sisters for my emotional breakthrough.. lol! Kidding...

Now that I've talked myself in a complete circle, I am SO excited for homecoming this weekend! I always get weirdly excited about it, though.. I make a bigger deal out of it than I need to. Whatever. Every year, I ask myself why I went to TU on Tap, but it's good to see that handful or more of people (that you actually enjoy talking to) that you otherwise wouldnt see... I have a SUPER cute dress to wear thanks to my trip to see Lauren in Chi! :))) It shall be featured in many photos. Prepare yourself.

So, if you're still paying attention... There's something this blog doesnt adequately demonstrate about me.. I tend to be all "Yay! Look at my photos! Lookie! Lookie! I love pink!" Well, some of you know my capability to be a complete and utter bitch; I just dont blog about it. That said, recently, a guy tricked one of my good friends into thinking he doesnt have a girlfriend (he does). Needless to say, after over 6 mos of dating, she found out in a really ugly way. My opinion: Take all the lovey dovey emails he's sent...all the pictures of them together...and send them...straight to his girlfriend. I would. She deserves to know...and he deserves to suffer. Granted, this is coming from the girl who planned to catch someone cheating, take a picture, and send it to her boyfriend...all b/c she f*cked with me and hurt my feelings on purpose. Bitch. I ended up taking the high road..blah blah...karma..blah blah...but still...

But, uh..yay! Hooray for my cute dress! hahahaha!

Happy Monday, people! Thanks for sticking with my non-subject randomness lately. Love love.

"Bow Down or Bow Out...XOXO...."

- Gossip Girl.

Things that I did this weekend:
* Had my eyebrows done
* Bought new shampoo that smells outstanding and makes me happy! I was using Aveda for a little while until I realized it dried.out.my.hair. Blah on Aveda. BLAH, I say!
* Washed my comforter
* Went to my mom's...saw a car in the driveway and went inside not thinking about it.. until I realized she had a DATE over there. A DATE. It was nothing...they were just hanging; had just finished lunch. I was kinda a bitch. I was SHOCKED, people. Eh, whatever. I guess he's going to the TU game with her this weekend. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I have little patience for this...*sigh*. As long as she's happy...
* Went out to CELEBRATE Michele's BDAY!!!! :))) HOORAY MICHELE!!!

So, today, I decided to get little G money groomed. I piled her in the car and headed to the place.. and forgot her rabies vacc record. Blah. They wouldnt groom her, so we went to Woodward Park where she wore herself out bolting after squirrels (and taking me with her). :) It was a bit hot, but G and I had fun people watching, squirrel chasing, and running up to small children screaming "doggie!"

This week, my manager is in town to do out mid-cycle reviews. I'm not worried, but it makes for a little bit more of a stressful week.. Eh.. (hence the blogging tonight instead of tomorrow morning)



I love the above photo from Chicago...and needed a random photo. So, I hope it freaks you out like it did everyone else.. LOL!

OMG... So, I bought a new shower head...b/c mine SUCKS. I didnt get a super nice one..but just a better one. Okay, that said, I have NO idea how to install it. I even bought tools. Yeah, I did. *nervous* This might have to wait til I have some help...and I dont like saying that. But, when the project could interfere with my cleanliness, I'd better be careful...haha..

So, also...there's something that's been on my mind a little lately...and it has to do with giving people the benefit of the doubt. This weekend, I decided I'm done with that...and I think my actions need to start reflecting the same. Being genuine with those who deserve it...sure...but those that dont, bow down or bow out, bitches... (no, none of you, no worries....)

Hope you had a GREAT weekend, everyone!!!! Gonna go watch the premiere of DH and B&S!

Dont make fun of my mental disorder.

I think I have SAD.. Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's real, people... Alright, alright.. I'm bullshiting here, but I'm waxing and waning between kinda blah, super blah, eh, and so so..... :)

I think part of it is my allergies... I dont get hungry when I'm (1) going through something or (2) have allergies. So, add both those together and wham! I'm an anorexic! YIPEE! Lol! Kidding. I'm an asshole, though... If I dont eat on my meds, I'm practically a zombie... (Just ask my dog) I've been snacking a ton instead of eating meals b/c when everything tastes like chalk (thanks, allergies), I'm not famished....

I also seem to be having a real problem with decisions lately. WHAT THE HELL?! I am GREAT at decisions! But, take today for example... Michele and I went to the mall b/c I needed perfume (Ps.. D&G Light Blue is the ONLY perfume I've ever used up AND bought more... I have like 3 half bottles of Chanel Chance, Burberry Summer and something else if you want it.. Just sayin). So, I got my perfume and then let the cute little Cargo makeup girl do my eyeshadow..just b/c I did. She kept telling me I look like Michele Pfieffer (who we all know I might be obsessed with) so this pleased me and I let her make up my face more... Then, I debated about what I wanted to buy for oh....20 minutes...and ultimately decided to buy nothing other than the perfume.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?! LOL!

At least I smell good. Hmph.

Okay, so... can you go to youtube right now? If so, go.. and search "sarah silverman" and play the one about Barack Obama..should be the first video that comes up. It.is.hilarious. Also, please search "I'm f*cking Obama" b/c it's also awesometastic...

What did you think of Grey's? Me? Well.. I think it coulda been better.. a lot better. I was actually a leetle pissy I'd gotten so excited about it. I couldnt keep the husbands of those ladies straight. Then, I got mad at Alex. And I just felt less than interested the whole time. It was like "here's a story line..wait..no here's another...and here's one more... and now the show's over.." Lame sauce.

Back to the decision making issues. Hair. It has taken me FOREVER to grow my hair out since I chopped it back when I was still at the law firm. (Remember?). I do like it...and if I go short, I look better when I go REALLY short (not like pixie..) but I dont think I've got the balls to take it there. Shoulder length makes me look like a school kid. Then I think "Ill go BROWN!" but when I look at pics of myself with brown hair, I think "No." I mean..that would be like making Serena Vanderwoodsen a brunette! The horror! ;) I need to get more decisive before my stylist calls me out next week and gives me the look she always does like "Seriously? It's f*cking hair...." haha..

Hope you have a fantastic weekend, people. I'll be more exciting next week. I can feel it. (I cant f*cking smell it..b/c I cant smell ANYTHING... but I can feel it damnit).

Love love! Get ready for homecoming!!!

Chicago, etc! :)

Below is night one (Friday) and day one (Saturday) :) of my trip.

Night one: OU Bar!
Day 1: lunch at a little cafe before shopping at Francesca's Collections (check it out online..cute stuff) and heading to Michigan Avenue. Sara met up with us for some Cheesecake and fun pics at the John Hancock building before we headed out that night to celebrate Lauren's bday!!



See what I mean about the whole "liking scarves" thing? Yeah. I like them. A lot. This phase will pass, but whatever...

Anyway, I want to rant a little...

So, it's no secret I've been a leeeetle tense (hahaha). And when I get tense, I get short. Blah. Well, I was VERY short yesterday with people I shouldnt have been short to (eye doctor, friends, etc). I wasnt RUDE...just not normal, I suppose. I started getting all "I dont trust anyone and everyone is an asshole"... LOL! Basically, I needed to shut the world out a little... :) Cranky Cranky.

Anyway, woke up on the right side of the bed this morning and came in to work all jolly.. until...I saw an email from that new girl at my work. The background matters, but it takes too long to explain. All you need to know is I was helping her with an assignment I shouldnt have even really been doing. No biggie...UNTIL I got that email...wait until I was cc'ed on that email.... from 5pm last night saying "Hi all executives..blah blah.. Jax is working on the speech tonight and will send to you tomorrow."

UM. WHAT?! Tonight?! As in last night? As in on your assignment? As in throw me under the bus on something YOU didnt get done? Are you KIDDING me?!

So, I immediately put out the fire with the people expecting the speech, called my superior, and drafted the speech. I knocked.it.out. (proud grin) I'm still waiting to talk to my boss b/c she's been busy. No worries... I'm eloquent, people; I dont lose my temper. But, I know when I need to step up and say something, too...

Anyway, new contacts today! Hooray! Headed into a conference call, but wanted to update you on my life since I pretend like you care.. lol!

Who's excited for GREYS TONIGHT?! OHMYGOD I AM!!!!!!

Questions.

Things that annoy me: when people ask questions I dont want to answer. Mind you, none of you have asked said questions (and I appreciate you). I'm referring to conversations like this with my co worker:

Co worker: How was Chicago?
me: Good... Fun...
Co worker: How's Aaron? Still moving to China?
me: Yep...
Co worker: Doesnt he realize you're here?
me: Well, I'd think he realizes that, yes.
Co worker: Oh, well, what do you think about that?
me: China's got the great wall... That's cool... (If I cover something with sarcasm, I dont want to talk about it.... HINTHINTHINT... lol!)
Co worker: Seriously...How long is he going to be over there?
me: Until he makes it a democratic nation.

Lol! Whatever. I know people are curious, but seriously... SERIOUSLY... It just puts me in a bad mood every single time.

So, in other news, I finally made an eye doctor appt for today!! I've been on my last pair of contacts two months now...and I think they only last a month. haha.. My eye doctor is SO adorable. She's a thirty something little blonde who talks my ear off every time I go in... It usually starts with a heavy, disappointed sigh about how I should have come in sooner and wearing my contacts too long is bad for me...blah blah...

Gracie devoured my last pair of black close toed heels not too long ago, so I need to get my rear to the shoe store. Blah. I wear heels all winter. I'm kinda enjoying wearing open-toed stuff til the very last minute...

What I think is weird: TU scored exactly 56 points in the past two games. I really want them to do the same this week...just b/c I do. So.. there.

Things I just decided:
- After my 2:45 eye dr appt, I'm not coming back today! hah!

Things that annoy me:
- We have a new person that took over one of my VPs... That said, WHY AM I PICKING UP THE SLACK?! I dont mind.. like at all...but..I HATE coming in to a project late in the game, having to rummage through 16 files full of information and spit out a speech from it...in about a day. I know I know...wah wah.. I'm just sayin...

Oh, I'm sorry..did you say I was random?

Yo. I'm back from the windy city...

There are cute photos on facebook that I'm sure you're all dying to see (riiiight) but for now, this is all you get on the blog.

I landed and blah blah we had to go to the wrong gate b/c problems, etc. So, I ended up at British Airways terminal or something. Anyway, Lauren had to play "find the Jax" while I waited, totally confused...when I saw THIS

Oh, you're not sure what you're looking at? Well, look wayyyyy down...see...waaaaaay down.. like 20 ppl sitting cross legged? Yeah, well, Lauren got a better look and we think they were PRISONERS. So, you know I took a pic b/c how oddly cool is that? (nervous.... I'll just say there may or may not have been men in uniform monitoring them)

As for jail, did you know Leighton Meester (Blair on GG) was born....in JAIL? Her momma served time for a drug conviction. Whoa. Crazytown. Speaking of GG, I LOVE Serena being a bitch again. LOVE it. I think like to pretend I'm a combo of all the characters..with less designer clothes... and less issues. lol! Anyway, last night I felt very Serena. I was like "F*CK YES. You go!"

Anyway, when something happens in my life, what do I do??? Oh, we all know this one..c'mon.. I change my hair! lol! So, what do we think of the below? Your options are limited, people, b/c I've committed to changing it... I think. And I like being blonde, so shorter? Likely. I want a short, SASSY cut....b/c I'm feeling rather sassy lately.

So, the Chicago trip was fabulous! I dont wanna give away too much without posting the pics, too...We went to the zoo, shopped, saw the musical Mamma Mia, etc...Ill blog more tonight.

I sat next to a baby on the way THERE and on the way back...and seriously.. neither were as cute as Nate..and the one on the way back was quiet. But, the one on the way there made me want to have my tubes tied the second I stepped off the plane. Mean? Right. Try being stuck on a runway with a child screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the top of his lungs while his mother completely ignored him. I did, however, get some enjoyment when the kid (about 1.5 years) tried to rip his mothers earring from her ear. This made me laugh sadistically. Sad. True. Sorry.. I'm going to hell. I'm actually going to be in the VIP section there.

This week, things are happening:

* The fair is HERE! (thurs) I have heard that Boyz II Men (spelled it right..wow) are appearing on SATURDAY. OH.MY.GOD. Wanna go? I'm serious.

* If you're looking for me on Thursday, you might just try my sofa. Oh wait...if you actually consider bothering me during the premiere of Grey's, I might have to kill you. My date is with Dr. McDreamy and Meredith Grey. :) (well, unless you want to go to the fair. I'd put off Grey's for a corndog and a ride on the orbiter.)

* Michele's BDAY!! Hooray! :)

* I'm oddly in love with scarves...with everything. I can thank Lauren for this. But, I want to wear them all.the.time. I look like I'm afraid of my own neck. Whatever. Deal with it.

ALSO: AND IMPORTANT: My Glamour mag had an interview with each candidate (Barack and McCain) and they're damn good questions. You should read: I think the below is just barack, but go to McCains as well. http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2008/08/obama-interview

Friday

Dude. My boss sent these out. A single house that was built after Katrina/Rita withstood Ike.. The pics are amazing..

http://www.ireport.com/blogs/ireport-blog/2008/09/18/the-last-house-standing

Other pics from Ike...including better ones of the house...
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/the_short_but_eventful_life_of.html

My fear of dark water would NOT.BE.GOOD. in that situation. Once I saw the pic of the gator wandering around, I felt like I couldn't breathe...just READING THE STORY. I never understood panic attacks until this dark water fear. I remember trying to race someone to a buoy in the lake once. I am a good swimmer, people.. was on the swim team...and lifeguarded. And I got halfway out, realized I was in the middle of dark water and started FREAKING.OUT. I have never swam so fast back to shore in my life.... Weird. I realize I'm weird.

The Grey's Anatomy season finale was on last night (kinda weird b/c I was actually talking about it yesterday) Anyway, I guess it's b/c the season premiere is next week! (woo hoo!!!). I am such a sicko for the romantic stuff. I mean really..the end..with Mere and Derek...*happy sigh* I used to HATE that shit. I dont know when that changed...haha.. I used to never cry at tv (b/c it's TELEVISION, people), but now, I'm lucky if I make it through an ep of Grey's without bawling about something. It's odd that I date people that aren't really that romantic. Granted, I'll trade loyalty and a solid connection with someone for romance any day. But, it's just comedic to me...

I leave for Chicago today and I'm really excited! I've got on my typical plane outfit-jeans and a white baby tee and heels. I'm NOT checking a bag. I think it's ridiculous to pay 25 bucks to check a bag. NO! We're gonna go see Mamma Mia and shop and take ridiculous photos and party (of course) and and and... :) My friend, Sara, is also headed up there this weekend and we might meet up with her to go to an 80s dance bar... *You're already imagining that, arent you?* haha.. Anyway, Aaron's having guys weekend so I'm sure I'll see him at some point, but I'm super excited about girl time... SUPER!

I've figured out recently that I'm in a weird place... I'm in a place where I'm tired of ambiguity on all fronts. Example: I want a car; I'm tired of just thinking about it. I want to feel more settled. I am SO tired of second guessing everything. Does that ever stop? It's rough to have enough life experience to know 1/2 of what you need to know to make decisions. The other 1/2 is all risk. And well...I'm a lawyer. I calculate risk. When I cant calculate it, it takes me forever to do it. It's like...when I jumped off the waterfall. The video (which many of you saw) featured a very freaked out Jax...lol...but I was determined to do it. When people started yelling at me to do it, I freaked more and sat down. But, once I was alone with my own thoughts, I decided to do it and that I just had to go for it. Thats how I operate. Sometimes I just sit on the waterfall too long before jumping, I think... That was just a general rant, but just sayin...

And...I finally got my allergy pills from the pharmacy so life.is.good. again. I'm SUPER tired today, but I can breathe...............ahhhhh........

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Look for fun pics from the Chi! I dont get back til Monday late, so I'll talk to you on Tuesday!

Dude.

First, the RW/RR Challenge is DUMB this year. The Island?! Really?! No. I'm still gonna watch it..even though my crush got kicked off last night. Where are the Challenges?! These people suck. Ugh. Lame. They're building a boat?! What are they? Swiss f*cking family Robinson? Lame.

My back seriously hurts. BAD. I hold tension in my right shoulderblade area. And it sucks. Blah.

So, yesterday, I was trying to be a good mom (to Gracie) since I've been gone a lot I feel like. We've been spending lots of quality time together on long walks and running and playing, etc. Last night was no exception, we set out for an adjacent neighborhood for a long walk. When I rounded the 30 minute walk home (that's long for Gracie...I dont want to over-exertion), I noticed my keys...were NOT in my pocked. SHIT!

They had SO fallen out somewhere...

I immediately hightailed it back the way we walked...complete back tracking.. dog in tow...She kept trying to potty and I was like "NO, this isnt time for potty.." LOL! I think people thought I was insane...

After working up a sweat and cursing myself most of the way, I found them..on the corner right by my apt...which meant I dropped them at the beginning of my walk. *sigh* Whatever.

At least I found them. Gracie was pooped. Funny...

I'm ready for Chicago..but have SO.MUCH.TO.DO. :)

Decided.

I want a new blog layout. Tonight, I shall achieve said goal. I cant see any of your damn pyzam layouts at work (althought Im sure they're cute) so I'll be sticking with boring blogger. :)

Devoid...

of anything interesting to say...

Do you ever feel like your head is playing 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon ALL.THE.TIME. What I mean is.. I am making the weirdest connections today. It's like "oh, you said stapler. That made me think of high school..." What?! Right.

I am SO ready to get out of town this weekend..not b/c I need a weekend away...but I do...but b/c I'm so pumped to hang out in the Chi with LAUREN! I have been craving some serious girl time! To demo my unmotivatedness, I just noticed I was using my hair to make a moustache at myself in my mirror in my office. Then, I laughed at myself. Wow.

I blame allergies. I need some damn Allegra. And PS..the movie Hitch...who names someone Allegra?! Weird. Whatever. (see...again with the weird connections)

And..one more time... My hair moustache just reminded me of a girl I knew in high school (Amanda B. for those of you who know), who used to sit there and clip her split ends in every.single.class.every.single.day. It was weird. Very weird.
But, I guess it entertained her.

And that took me over to the dark side of high school memories, so I'm stopping now.

Anyway, I was super glad Dan won last night! WOO HOO!! Memphis was kinda a tool...and he didnt win anything.

Michele's back from a meeting so I'm going to bother her now b/c the other option of editing a communication plan...